I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
