I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
