oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
