I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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