if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
