another moral hangover. fuck.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
