Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
