I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I love you. Go after that dick
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
