we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
porn star boner night. come get it.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
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