Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize