The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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