Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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