I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
