when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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