Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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