Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize