yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
