it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
