and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
