Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
