3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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