New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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