I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He? As in you personified your dick?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
