I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
