The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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