I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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