maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
