how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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