I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
