My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
