this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
