Buhtt sex?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
