i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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