it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
