I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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