At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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