i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
