Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
