I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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