Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
