Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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