so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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