i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
