What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
