her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
