i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
