I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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