From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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