so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
