Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
