My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My vagina just clenched in fear
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
