i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
