i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
