this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
