I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
