I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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