Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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