is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
