i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Well I just put wine in my tea
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
