so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
