Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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