I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
