so explain again why im purple
no
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
My ass is underappreciated
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
