Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
