I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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