And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
