A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
