You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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