i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I touched a dick in church today
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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