I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
