capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Oh god it's open bar.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
