Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
