This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
