Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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