he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
sarcasm needs its own font
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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