we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
he fucked my hip out of place.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
